I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
He has the fingertips of a God
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
