We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
