Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i think i have herpe
just one?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
