Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Randomize
