What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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