i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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