garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
