i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
