i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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