Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
