I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
