the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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