so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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