I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
