she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
