i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
