Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
