Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
