do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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