i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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