She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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