Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Randomize
