Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
