And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
