no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
