Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
