Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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