Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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