so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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