the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
