I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
