D3 body, D1 cock
stop calling my apartment porn island.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
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