he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize