dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize