I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
