she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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