I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
