I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
