I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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