Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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