dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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