Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
