i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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