Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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