Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Randomize
