I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
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