I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
