You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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