Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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