I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
