FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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