Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
do herpes really smell.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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