Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I didn't notice because vodka
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
