so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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