Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
