it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
well you can't waste a boner
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize