My first STD was from a foam party
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize