i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Randomize
