i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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