We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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