so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
