Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
