I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
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