My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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