wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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